Dear Friends:  The following wise sayings and the 
history of the world were sent
to me by a friend  here at Hertford College, Stan McGee, 
and I found them to be
uplifting and inspirational.

WISDOM OF THE SUPER MODELS

ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full backshot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my
God, I have to be brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my
cleavage."
-- Carole Mallory

ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson

ON FATE "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face
that."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to
get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self 
worth."
-- Tatjana Patitz

ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular
about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'

ON CAREER CHOICES
"My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling as a librarian"
-- Paulina Porizkova

ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper."
-- Kim Alexis

ON GEOPOLITICS
"Mick Jagger and I really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We
had the same views on nuclear disarmament."
-- Jerry Hall

ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that make-up gives me."
-- Tyra Banks

ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help 
it."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen
anything. I really don't care."
-- Tyra Banks

ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball
and modeling."
-- Gabrielle Reece

ON EPIPHANY
"I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw
on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-- Cheryl Tiegs

ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be able to
meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington

ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I 
know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are
nearby."
-- Fabio

ON PARODOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone. . ."
-- Tatjana Patitz

ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER
"I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face."
-- Claudia Schiffer

ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on thick
tights underneath."
-- Naomi Cambell

ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some 
crackers."
-- Carol Alt

ON THE CASTE SYSTEM
"We're not Prince Charles and Princess DI. We don't think of ourselves as
royalty. We happen to be working people."
-- Christie Brinkley

ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I've tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little
scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all
over them."
-- Cindy Crawford

ON ECONOMICS
"I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON ZEN
"When I model I'm pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't 
work."
-- Paulina Porizkova

ON LOGIC
"I think, if my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it
shouldn't be too big for me."
-- Christy Turlington

ON BODY PARTS
"I don't know what to do with my arms. It just makes me feel weird and I 
feel like people are looking at me and that makes me nervous."
-- Tyra Banks

ON BODY LANGUAGE
"You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight."
-- Christy Turlington

ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I knew that I had to, and I
would."
-- Kate Moss

ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to so long as I don't have to speak."
-- Linda Evangelista

ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box, attached 
a note saying where it came frome and took it to the Salvation Army. It was 
a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb

ON VENGEANCE
"Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser
to purposely mess up another girl's hair."
-- Tash

ON BATTING .667
"I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress."
--Cameron Diaz



                      The World According to Student Bloopers
                                  Richard Lederer
                                 St.  Paul  School
                          (Reprinted without permission)


    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is
receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay.  I have pasted
together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student
bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade
through college level.  Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

    The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies.  They lived in the Sarah
Dessert and traveled by Camelot.  The climate of the Sarah is such that the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are
cultivated by irritation.  The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a
huge triangular cube.  The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France
and Spain.

    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.  In the first book of the
Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.  One of their
children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"  God asked Abraham to sacrifice
Isaac on Mount Montezuma.  Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark.
Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they
did not take to it.  One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the 
Israelites.

    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without any straw.  Moses
led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the
ten commandments.  David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He
fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

    Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three
kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths.  A myth
is a female moth.  One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intolerable.  Achilles appears in "The Illiad" by
Homer.  Homer also wrote the "Oddity," in which Penelope was the last hardship
that Ulysses endured on his journey.  Actually, Homer was not written by
Homer, but by another man of that name.

    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

   In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, hurled the biscuits, and threw the
java.  The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.  The government of Athens
was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.  There
were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb
over to see what their neighbors were doing.  When they fought the Parisians,
the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more
men.

    Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks.  History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one place very long.  At Roman banquets, the
guests wore garlic in their hair.  Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul.  The Ides of March killed him because they thought he
was going to be made king.  Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor
subjects by playing fiddle to them.

    Then came the middle ages.  King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur
lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle
of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims
of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.  Finally, the Magna Carta
provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

    In Midevil times most of the people were alliterate.  The greatest writer
of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote
literature.  Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.

    The Renaissance was an age in which more indviduals felt the value of their
human being.  Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Witenberg for
selling papal indulgences.  He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by
a bull.  It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made
him the father of the Renaissance.  It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries.  Gutenberg invented the Bible.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes.  Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.  Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a
100-foot clipper.

    The government of England was a limited mockery.  Henry VIII found walking
difficult because he had a abbess on his knee.  Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin
Queen."  As a queen she was a success.  When Elizabeth exposed herself before
her troops, they all shouted "Hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the
Spanish Armadillo.

    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear
never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.  He lived in
Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors. In one
of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving
himself in a long soliloquy.  In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince
Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.  Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couplet.  Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel
Cervantes.  He wrote "Donkey Hote."  The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote "Paradise Lost."  Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise
Regained."

    During the Renaissance America began.  Christopher Columbus was a great
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.  His ships
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.  Later the Pilgrims crossed
the ocean, and that was called Pilgrim's Progress.  When they landed at
Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling
their war hoops before them.  The Indian squabs carried porpoises of their

back.  Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which
proved very fatal to them.  The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.
Many people died and many babies were born.  Captain John Smith was
responsible for all this.

    One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in
their tea.  Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
without stamps.  During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls
over stone walls.  The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing.  Finally,
the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

    Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin had gone to Boston carrying
all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm.  He invented
electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against
itself cannot stand."  Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father
of Our Country.  Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure the domestic hostility.  Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.

    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat.  He said, "In onion
there is strength."  Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while
traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.  He also
signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the
ex-Negroes citizenship.  Then the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch
ex-Negroes and other innocent victims.  On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
picture show.  The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly
insane actor.  This ruined Booth's career.

    Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.  Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy."  Gravity was
invented by Isaac Walton.  It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the
apples are falling off the trees.

    Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was very large. Bach died
from 1750 to the present.  Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He
was so deaf he wrote loud music.  He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
this.

    France was in a very serious state.  The French Revolution was accomplished
before it happened.  The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French
Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon.  During the Napoleonic Wars, the
crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes.  Then the Spanish
gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks.  Napoleon
became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted
an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she
couldn't bear him any children.

    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in
the East and the sun sets in the West.  Queen Victoria was the longest queen.
She sat on a thorn for 63 years.  Her reclining years and finally the end of
her life were exemplatory of a great personality.  Her death was the final
event which ended her reign.

    The initeenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus
Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.  Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis.  Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the
Species."  Madam Curie dicovered radium.  And Karl Marx became one of the
Marx Brothers.

    The First World War, ca   The First World War, caused by the assignation of
the Arch Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.